So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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