I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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