come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
