I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he thought i was a dude.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
