Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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