Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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