i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize