just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
