There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
