I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
