i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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