I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
