how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
