tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
BRING THE BAGELS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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