Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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