I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
