Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
