At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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