well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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