So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
