Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
