i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Randomize
