btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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