Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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