So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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