"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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