remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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