remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
