I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
