Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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