one two three fourrrrnication!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
