hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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