She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
