addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
