My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
