I just made out with a guy for $7.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
