I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
