Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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