You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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