apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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