Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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