I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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