So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
