so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize