bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
