I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
