you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The power of my boobs compel you
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
