How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
this is an emotional support booty call
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize