I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
