I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this will be a night to untag.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize