he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think a kid would responsible me up
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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