I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
