I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
