What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
