im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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