Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
