I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
