Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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