Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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