I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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