I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
