Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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