smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
