i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My pussy is not your playground.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize