I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
