im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize