Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
