Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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