I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
