My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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