just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
