there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize