I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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